The Ship of Dreams
by In Love with the Stars
Summary: The 74th reaping is approaching, and Katniss wins tickets to board the Titanic and escape the hands of Panem. But will breaking free require a much more personal cost?


The skys are dipped with pink and orange, light and watery like watercolors. My chest stirs as I slowly drift into conciousness, my breathing heavy. In an instant, I jerk up and stare at the rusty old clock, that sits still on the crusted cieling, reading 2 A.M. Prim and mother sleep heavily, their blonde hair spread out on their pillows. How long had I been sleeping? Anxiously, I drag my feet on the floor and make my way to the kitchen, my eyes for once neglecting the yellowing wallpaper. Numbness spreads through me as I wake up completely and realize: Yes, I'm in Panem. I was dreaming. And the reaping for the 74th Hunger Games is in two weeks.

I have never been so anxious for a reaping. Never. Usually, they fail to register in my consciousness until the week of. After all, worrying about it is ridicuously pointless, considering the fact that once your name is pulled out of that bowl, you're a goner. There is no way out. There is no hope, not in Panem... and there never will be. This country is a black hole that sucks up all the stars. As I sink sadly into the kitchen chair, I bury my head in my arms and wonder how I am going to deal with this. Usually, I force myself to take my life in small swallows, one day at a time. I focus on my survival and don't let myself think of anything else. Once you zoom out on the months and years spent here, it's devastating. Heartbreaking. Gut-wrenching.

_My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am sixteen. I live in Panem. I might get reaped into the Hunger Games. The odds are not in my favor. _

Is it wrong that I ache to have a life for myself? To live free of responsibility and expectations? These thoughts almost make me feel like a jerk. After all, since Dad is gone, I have a family to look after and feed. Silently, I listen to the melody of their snores.

There was a time when my family wanted the best for me, too. Mother would braid my hair and listen to my dreams. Of course, that was before Dad died. Still, up until recentley, Mother has wanted me to live my own life. She wanted what I wanted. My head throbs as I think about it.

That was before she forced me to get engaged to Gale.

The flashback floods back into my memory and I whimper. I'm not quite healed, and I don't think I ever will be. Time pauses with me as I remember the promise I made not even a month ago.

_Gale arrives at my house with pink and purple flowers, freshly picked from the meadow. Mother is smiling like she knows some sort of secret as she sits him down in the kitchen and pours him tea. Tea is a luxury, so today must be important. My hands are folded obediently on my lap as I sit stiffly on the blue sofa. Mother spent all afternoon working on me: having me take a shower, making a new dress for me to wear, even braiding my hair in some new complicated way. Usually, her face is hollow, but today it sparkles. I have never seen such a lively person. I hate to admit this, but I'm afraid._

_ Mother pulls me by my elbow and leads me to our small bedroom, her face lighting up the way the sun rises up in the sky. I gulp as her palpable excitement flows through the room, like an electric shock._

_"Katniss... I have something very special to tell you."_

_ I smile. That's it! There is nothing wrong. Mother just has great news. There is nothing wrong with great news. In fact, some sort of hope would cheer me up, as I've been depressed lately. All a sudden, anticipation builds in my stomach. I really want to know the news._

_ "Tell me!" I say. God, that feels good, to have some sort of happiness. Maybe we're getting a shower. Mother's been saving up for years, and it would be a lot nicer than the rusty bathtub. Especially since the water doesn't run, and we have to use faded orange buckets and gray water from the faucet to fill it up._

_ I'm panting excitedly and tugging on her shirt sleeve and she still doesn't tell me. Finally, she puts her lips close to my ear. "You have to promise to act surprised."_

_ At this point I'm bouncing off the wall. "TELL ME." She seems to be encouraged by my reaction._

_ "Gale is proposing to you tonight."_

_ Six words. Six words was all it took to make me sink to the floor. Six words was all it took to make my world crash down. I am suffocating. I will die because of those six words._

_ Her expression is confused. Ringlets of soft yellow hair drape over her cheeks. All a sudden, her face hardens, and I can see anger bubbling in her eyes. "What's wrong? Gale is a sensible young man. And he is your best friend. You love him. He is handsome. What to do you to complain for?"_

_ Her voice has never been so angry. Her eyes have never been so unforgiving. Her words register. She is right. I do love Gale. But not in the way she's suggesting. Marry Gale? I can't stomach that. Can't she see I want his friendship? I want a hunting partner, not a husband. And if I needed a husband, God forbid it would be Gale._

_ "Nothing..." I squeak, feeling like a small child. She towers over me, her shadow hanging over me like a storm cloud. This isn't me. I should be screaming at her. I should downright refuse._

_ "No," I tell her, my voice cracking. I take a deep breath and stand up, stepping backward toward the wall. "No," I say, with more assertion._

_ Her bony fingers push me against the wall, my shoulder baldes aching with the force. "If you refuse, consider yourself disowned," she threatens darkly. Then, she turns on her heels and walks swiftly out of the room, closing the door behind her._

_ Disowned? I cannot speak. My lips move slightly, but no words come out. I shake my head. I cannot get disowned. Who will take care of Prim? I can't lose Prim. Anger fills my heart, and all I want to do is scream and tear the house apart. Mother will not take care of Prim. Mother will zone out and let her starve. And I won't be able to do anything about it._

_ Prim will not wilt because Mother will forget to water her. Prim will have to grow strong. Prim, who wears the innocent face of a child with a broken heart. No. I will not let Prim wilt. I need to be there for her. She is the only person on earth I love._

_ Swallowing, I walk towards the living room, my sweaty palms fixated at my sides._

_Are you_

_Are you _

_Coming to the tree..._

_ "Katniss!" Gale smiles, his lips curving into a smile. I can't figure out why this is breaking my heart._

_ "Hey, Gale," I keep my voice steady. I spot Prim carefully observing me. Quickly, I lock my eyes with Gale and mirror his grin. Then, his warm hand finds mine and leads me outside._

_ My eyes blur as he gets down on one knee. My whole life flashes before my eyes. I remember singing the Valley Song. Learning to hunt with Dad. Prim being born, wrapped in a pink blanket as precious as she was. The mining accident. Dad's death. Mother losing herself. Me starving. A boy throwing me bread. Meeting Gale. Every little flashback tortures me even more._

_ "Katniss..." he begins._

_Wear a neckalace of rope_

_side by side with me_

_ He gulps and pulls a tiny blue velvet box out of his pocket. He opens it, and I see a tiny diamond ring. How did he afford that? My head is spinning._

_ "Katniss Everdeen, will you marry me?"_

_Stranger things have happned here_

_No stranger it would be_

_ "Yes, Gale," I say, pronouncing my death sentence. "I will marry you."_

_If we met up at midnight at the hanging tree._

_ He pulls me into a kiss. He wipes my tears away. Tears of joy, I'm sure he thinks. I try to pull myself together. I kiss him back. I run my fingers through his hair. Emptiness fills my stomach. Each kiss is meaningless. I wish them all away. I wish him away. I wish my best friend back._

_"Gale is proposing to you tonight," my mother had said._

_"Katniss Everdeen, will you marry me?" Gale had asked._

_"Yes, Gale, I will marry you," I had answered._

_ Each sentence contained six words. Six words. Six words are ruining my life. I wonder which ones will be written on my grave. All in the metaphorical sense, of course. As we will say in our vows, "Till Death do us part."_

_ Six words. Six words are what I use to wave goodbye to my innocence. Six words are what I will remember burning in the back of my mind._

My fingertips brush the diamond lightly. I hate it. It's too expensive and lovely and just wrong. It feels like a lie hanging from my olive fingers. It feels like a promise I want so badly to break. It reminds me that this promise can't be broken, just like diamond. God, what is it with me and metaphors today?

The sun is still rising and my family is still sleeping. I am dying and they are breathing. This whole situation has been spun out of control. They're even insisting on getting a wedding cake, with extra tiers and everything. Why don't they understand? I hate all of this. I don't love Gale. In fact, every single kiss makes me want to break down and sob. Why is he so blind?

Sleep refuses to come. I wonder if I will sleep beside Gale every night. I bet I will. I won't be comfortable then, for sure.

Finally, I slam my chair and in a haste grab my jacket. Everything is a blur as I storm to the hob. Two men are betting on some tickets. I have no idea what they are, and I don't care. I pull up beside them and pull out fifteen coins. Their mouths drop. "Need a third player?" I ask them, fury pinching my voice.

"Sure, little girl," the guy says, smiling. He obviously thinks I will lose. I take a closer look at the five tickets they are betting. Five tickets for the Titanic Ship. In very little letters, I read: _Titanic, the ship of dreams. Will stop at the coast of Panem in a week to collect Refugees. The ship will dock in Europe._

It's my turn for my mouth to drop. A ship... out of Panem? This seems too good to be true. Staring at them blankly, I wait for an answer.

No answer. They just divide the cards. The whole game is a blur, except for the end. Sweat beads on my eyebrows as I hold my cards.

The two men lay out their cards. I can't believe it. I lay out mine. I've won. I'm leaving Panem.

I snatch the tickets and run. They don't come after me, but I can feel their anger. I scream as I run into the shack. Mother and Prim stumble in the room, their hair disheveled.

"Are you okay?" they say in unsion, concerned.

"More than okay," I whisper. "Because we are boarding Titanic."


End file.
